I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
