Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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