It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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