I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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