I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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