i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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