I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh god it's open bar.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
