She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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