You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
