The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
