i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
