I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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