Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize