i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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