perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
