Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
