I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
