Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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