Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
