I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
