I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
