and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
