it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
