If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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