i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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