You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
