Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
