The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
