i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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