Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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