I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
