spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
