Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
