barbara walters just said penis...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
and you fell through a lawn chair
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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