You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
