i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
