Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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