Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
