i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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