I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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