So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
