i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
