My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
