Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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