Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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