I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
