his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
