there's paper in my vomit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
