I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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