Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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