i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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