So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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