I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
