So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
