The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize