I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
