So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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