when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
