He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
