There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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