Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
