last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
