i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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