I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
