i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize