My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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