I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
