I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize