Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
