so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
