how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
