I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
