I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.