Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

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  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (184) Good night (95519) Bad night (5370)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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  (402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis". http://tfl.nu/dn08
  Replies (17) Good night (845) Bad night (6641)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

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  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1939) Bad night (6896)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.

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  (407): Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock. http://tfl.nu/0ypw
  Replies (11) Good night (3739) Bad night (1533)
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  (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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  (213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u
  Replies (3) Good night (2372) Bad night (1209)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

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  (412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n
  Replies (29) Good night (1752) Bad night (5338)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

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  (828): then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge http://tfl.nu/hh8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4347) Bad night (1356)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low

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  (317): My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low http://tfl.nu/zc60
  Replies (7) Good night (1558) Bad night (1200)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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  (206): Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional. http://tfl.nu/t1vf
  Replies (10) Good night (2758) Bad night (671)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby

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  (763): I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby http://tfl.nu/ll5m
  Replies (10) Good night (703) Bad night (2559)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.

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  (225): I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40. http://tfl.nu/yalq
  Replies (3) Good night (892) Bad night (455)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.

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  (612): He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this. http://tfl.nu/vp0n
  Replies (10) Good night (3080) Bad night (568)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?

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  (860): It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now? http://tfl.nu/w7no
  Replies (6) Good night (651) Bad night (421)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.

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  (616): Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered. http://tfl.nu/qqf0
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (308)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.

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  (401): Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week. http://tfl.nu/pyo5
  Replies (4) Good night (351) Bad night (627)

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