Texts From Last Night

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  (224): View more from Illinois

  :( I'm sorry!!!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  sexual favors sorry?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  absolutely not

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  (224): :( I'm sorry!!! (847): sexual favors sorry? (224): absolutely not http://tfl.nu/14ur
  Replies (30) Good night (858) Bad night (2069)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

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  (931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/ee6d
  Replies (5) Good night (2069) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.

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  (661): I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special. http://tfl.nu/zosx
  Replies (24) Good night (3453) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Milquetoast, coolest word ever.

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  (215): Milquetoast, coolest word ever. http://tfl.nu/m1o9
  Replies (23) Good night (2181) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting

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  (913): You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting http://tfl.nu/1yn1
  Replies (21) Good night (2751) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen

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  (815): I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen http://tfl.nu/dsay
  Replies (27) Good night (2371) Bad night (2305)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.

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  (763): The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled. http://tfl.nu/m5fs
  Replies (26) Good night (996) Bad night (5040)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

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  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5790) Bad night (1868)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me

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  (616): im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me http://tfl.nu/gxh6
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (2762)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.

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  (603): whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card. http://tfl.nu/d7h9
  Replies (6) Good night (2615) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.

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  (816): I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose. http://tfl.nu/acx3
  Replies (0) Good night (963) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again

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  (218): i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again http://tfl.nu/hrm5
  Replies (5) Good night (737) Bad night (1751)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday

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  (212): I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday http://tfl.nu/8t4e
  Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.

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  (206): I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems. http://tfl.nu/rm1a
  Replies (2) Good night (231) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.

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  (708): I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge. http://tfl.nu/23bj
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (155)

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