This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.