I'll bet she douches with gravy.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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