I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Send help, water and tortillas.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
