two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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