You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
