i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
